lmorchard: (Default)
[personal profile] lmorchard
What am I doing home by myself on a Saturday night?

It's strange, I'm not depressed about this. But, I am worried. I do have a few friends I could call, like Poisonhand or Angsthammer or maybe We3bus, but it's a bit late right now, and they both live at least an hour away. What worries me, though, is that those are pretty much the only names I can come up with at the moment. I could call Faere, but again, it's late and I kinda think I won't be seeing her again until next weekend. (I am a little worried about that, too)

Anyway, I'm worried. Here I am, happily living in this town, and I know there are people here with whom I could be friends. I know there are people who like the same things as me, who would be interesting to hang out with. But... I haven't the foggiest idea how to find them, meet them, or befriend them. Where do I go? What do I do? How do I find them, know them when I see them, and what do I say? "Hi, you seem interesting, can we be friends?"

I honestly don't know. Once I know someone, I'm not all that shy, and I've been told that I'm interesting and fun to be around. But before then... well, I've got this habitual aloof persona I walk around in that isn't the truth at all. But even when I do talk to someone, even if I'm friendly and beat back the shyness for a few moments, it's never more than a brief and tenuous connection. Everything else I do feels contrived, and never seems to work.

So... here's what I meant when I wrote about being alien. None of this comes naturally to me, and I honestly don't know what to do.

Gawd, this sounds pathetic.
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lmorchard

May 2009

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